A LOVE LETTER TO MY GIRLS

 

 

(disclaimer; shit is about to get soppy)

 

 

When you've had a bit of a rocky time, its easy to get completely overwhelmed. When the last 9 months of 2017 were riddled with deaths, illness' & breakups, I let life get the better of me. But (I know you're not supposed to start a sentence with 'but', but what you gonna do?) I was more overwhelmed by the love I had got & the love I felt for you. I vividly remember a particular day. It was the shittest of all shit days & I was struggling. It was early summer & I remember it being really hot. I sat in my back garden on a plastic chair staring, wondering how the buggery I was going to get myself out of this gaping hole, but you never left me alone. I never felt alone, because of you. You would take turns to come and see me, I'd cry (& snot) on each of your shoulders & ask if I would be ok, because in my head I really wasn't sure. I felt crap, but never on my own. I remember thinking to myself how lucky I was & that I couldn't believe that these funny, beautiful, 10/10 babes cared about me so much. I knew you cared, but not to this extent. The chips were well and truly down and you were there.

 

I've learnt that the shittest of times bring the greatest epiphanies. Great doesn't have to be mean big either. It doesn't have to be a light bulb moment like in the films when you realise your calling in life or the career you've been born to do. Great epiphanies can be little moments of magic that you'll always treasure. It can be the moment when I was watching The Sweetest Thing in your basement. I was nestled between two of you with a pizza hut on my lap singing the penis song & realising I'm going to be absolutely fine. Or driving down a country lane next to you in your mini. It was 28 degrees, the air con was blowing in our faces, Cheryl Cole 'Call My Name' was blaring out the speakers & I realise there's no where I'd rather be. Not even Disneyland. It was the moment I rang you for the 4th time that day in tears. I told you not to come round, minutes later you were at my gate. I threw my arms round you, pressed my face in your sweater & a sense of relief comes over me that makes me realise you're the person I needed to see most in the world. I see the relief on my mums face as well, she knows you're the only one who can cheer me up & talk sense into me like you have done since primary school. I can even remember the shoes & dress I was wearing & the glass I was holding my gin & tonic in.

 

It's funny how people wander in & out of your life everyday, but sometimes one comes by and you think "yes, I like you, i'll keep you". Then that's is. I'll go on to tell you my secrets, let you see me without a scrap of make up on & my family will ask how you are. An unbreakable bond is made. It will sometimes be tested, like when you had to go and live in Australia for 9 months, but we wrote to each other. Not texts or Snap chats, but real life handwritten letters of love. I think I may have also posted you some of my hair, or you did me... which is creepy, but great. You don't know when these moments or people are going to come by. Most of the time it's completely unexpected. One day I was told someone new would be starting at work. I remember walking into the staff room, you were sitting there and I said hello & went to my locker. I didn't know it then but you were to become one of the most important people in my life. We were to go on day trips, laugh until I thought we would be physically sick & when I was having said 'bumpy time' last year I would call you on my first day back at work. I remember sitting on the office floor, tears rolling down my face, trying to find your number on my phone with my little shaky pale hands. I didn't think I could cope with the day but you told me to go and get myself a drink at that you would be there as soon as you could. I felt better.

 

So on this commercial day, whilst I don't have any flowers or a cute collage of me and my loved one to post on social media, I will declare my love for you. My big sisters, my wing women. My therapists, drinking buddies, my life coaches & biggest cheerleaders. The ones who know every intimate detail about my "love" life. Who have my back every day & will hate anyone be default who has done me wrong. You know the best memes to tag me in & which foods get me to eat when I haven't eaten for 3 days (Doritos & dip fyi) & what really caused that mystery aggressive water infection... Ellie I'm looking at you. You'll tell me when I need to chill the fuck out but equally when I think I'm being mental,  you'll tell me its fine & that we all do crazy things. Even though I'm a bit weird, I don't think before I speak & my ex said he thinks I'm on the autistic spectrum (dick thing to say, but you know him) you make me feel like its ok to be me. It's great to be me in fact & that you accept me for who I am.

 

So here's to our love. Our unconditional love.

 

x

 

 

IS OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR PHONES BECOMING TOXIC?

 

My phone & I, we have a turbulent relationship. He has the ability to make my day with a banging selfie, unexpected text or being tagged in a hilair meme. He can also shatter my confidence into a million tiny pieces by me accidently opening the camera on selfie mode at an 180 degree angle to my chin(s). I'm referring to it as 'he' because obviously only males have the capability to toy with your emotions like your phone does. Its not comparable to a gal pal relationship - its definitely the fuck boy. The one that is the bane of your life but you just cant put down. You know.

 

The thing that got me thinking about this whole shabang was when the other day, I was waiting for a programme all evening. It was actually that one with Greg off Masterchef where he takes a whole hour to tell you how mayonnaise is made, but that's really beside the point. I sat down to watch it, tucked up in my blanket, tea in hand all ready to see how eggs go from chicken to Hellmans jar. "Ill just check my Instagram before it properly gets into the nitty gritty", I thought. An hour later its finished, my phone hasn't left my hand & I'm none the wiser to how mayonnaise is made. I can, however, tell you where Lydia Millen went on holiday in 2009, all the PR events the cast of Love Island (this year & last) have attended this week & what someone I fancy has been up to on Snapchat in the last 24 hours. I put my phone down, blinking several times to adjust my eyes. Then a sense of disappointment comes over me. Not because I don't know how the hell that God damn mayonnaise is made, but because I feel like I've just wasted an hour of my life.

 

 On the other hand, my phone is invaluable to me. Social media is where most of my work comes from for my business, I am able to whatsapp my brother daily, see photos of my ever growing Godson in Sctoland & promote my blog. I can say 100% that my illustration business wouldn't have got off the ground without the likes of Facebook & Instagram, along with my website. I wouldnt have been ever discovered to produce work for my spreads in Vogue & Glamour magazine -  but sometimes I feel like ive lost the balance. 

 

Checking my phone is the first thing I do in the morning & the last thing I do at night. When I go on my lunch break at work id sooner run to my bag & check my notifications than go for the wee I've been holding in for the last hour. The other thing that scares me is the overwhelming sense of panic that comes over me when I cant find my phone. Its like nothing I've ever known before, but I can only imagine its similar to loosing your child in Aldi.

 

Now I'm not so bad that I will be on my phone when I go for a meal or drinks. That is my absolute pet hate. I cant bare it when you see a couple or two friends sitting opposite each other at dinner in silence scrolling through their instagram feeds. Its scary - but saying that, even though I'll always put manners first, sometimes it does niggle me that my phone is out of sight in the bottom of my bag. Anything could be going on & I feel a bit like I'm missing out... as I'm typing this I realise how ridiculous & quite frankly mental this all sounds, but I'm sure some of you will be nodding.

 

What I'm trying to say is that I need to try & detox myself somewhat of my phone. Most of the time its plastered to the palm of my hand & when its not I've developed separation anxiety from it. That is not healthy.

 

I also can't help but worry that when I'm old & on my death bead I will regret the amount of time I've spent aimlessly scrolling through social media, when I could have been talking to a loved one.

 

 

Food for thought.

 

Jacket - Urban Outfitters (VERY similar) | Tshirt - H&M | Jeans - Levi (vintage) | Belt  - Gucci

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

I was toying with the idea of this post either being a reflection on the year or my new years resolution, but I didn't know where to even start reflecting on last year. I wouldnt even know which word to start with first or how to summerise it, so i've gone with a resolutions post, although I guess it might be a bit of a mix of both.

New Years Resolutions are Marmite aren't they, you either love them or hate them. I'm quite good with mine. I try and always set myself one, but something really small and realistic, otherwise I know I'll break it. One year, probably about 4 years ago, my resolution was to print all my photos from my phone as the year went along and put them in an album, and I still do it now (if you haven't already got the Free Prints App, then get it.) Then one year I had pass my driving test and I did that to. This year my resolution is going to be a little bit different...

...Be strong. I've always been a bit of a feeble little mortal but the last few months have been bordering on outrageous. I think what happened was I had a really traumatic first few months of the year (which maybe only just caught up with me recently) and I put all my efforts into feeding my soul. Which I did do, very very well. But I forgot to feed my body, both metaphorically and literally. I went on lots of holidays, surrounded myself with funny, amazing , kind people and went out A LOT. I had some of the best times ever, my heart was full and mentally I felt top notch, but physically something had to give. I was "preparing" for these holidays by literally eating leaves a couple of weeks before jetting off and my food to alcohol ratio was some what questionable. I was forgetting to take my vitamins and the only exercise I did was slut dropping to Jason Derulo in my local club. Great for the gluteus maximus, but that's about it. So then September came & BAM, I got ill. I have been ill on & off ever since with various things (I won't go into details). Not colds & coughs though, but actual numerous hospital visits, antibiotics & tablets & scans. I've actually become quite friendly with the lady on my local pharmacy, although last time I was there she said "you must spend a fortune in here", which is absolutely never a good sign. I've still got a few tests to be done in January and I've got 3 weeks left on some of my antibiotics but most of the specialist I've seen have put my illness's down to stress and a low immune system. Which I kind of don't believe when they tell me. I said to one of the specialists at the hospital "but its not like I'm Teresa May?"... I'm not under anywhere as near as much stress as some people, but I suppose after a horrendous start to the year it may have been building & and has just started manifesting itself. Also, I might just have to accept that I am more fragile than most people & have to work hard to stay healthy. I got shingles a couple of weeks ago to, which is a sign of being run down & I think that was the final straw for me. I'd had enough of laying in bed, unwashed feeling like shit. I need to look after myself properly & the New Year is a great opportunity for a fresh start.



I've actually started already, I've looked into a lot of supplements & probiotics I need to take, I've been eating a lot more & I've been going to the gym to actually work out rather than sitting on the leg press checking out the boys for half an hour and then coming home. So bring on 2018 & lets hope I can stay healthy, happy & strong, otherwise I fear I'm one illness away from 2007 Britney.

 

 



Urban Outfitters Teddy Bomber | Topshop Baker Boy Hat  | Topshop Wide Leg Jeans  | Topshop Harp Boots  | Gucci Belt  | 

WHAT MY TINDER PROFILE SHOULD SAY

 

My Tinder profile - "Helen, 28. I like animals, old people & Philip Schofield". All of which are accurate, but I cant help but think there's more my potential suitor should know about me before swiping right (aside from the fact I think its acceptable to use the word 'suitor' in 2017.) I suppose I mean like when you're online shopping & you have to accept the terms & conditions before you can confirm the order... although who actually reads those?

 

 

I only eat things in even numbers

So please don't ask me if I'd like a Malteaser. I know your intentions are good & you just want to offer me a delicious chocolattey treat, but I will either need 2 or 4. I've even dropped one "accidently" on the floor before if I've opened my hand & 3 roll out the packet from someone I don't know well enough to tell my weird even number situation to... (I wont blame any males reading this post if you'd like to leave at this point.)

 

You will have to watch a lot of shit TV

... if you decide to be my significant other. I'm talking 3 months of Love Island every night over the Summer & X Factor, Strictly & I'm A Celeb in the Winter. It's relentless. I'm also partial to a spot of Hollyoaks (when I say partial, I usually cry at it at least once a week.) I'm fully aware how horrendous this all sounds, but trust me when I say you will grow to love them. My ex ended up being more addicted to Love Island than me & he became very emotionally invested in the wellbeing of the McQueen family in Hollyoaks. Although he was also a prick, so maybe I wont base any other stats on him.

 

I will make you take photos of me constantly

If I've got make-up on, I expect you to be there ready to catch them candid's. I will say "can you take a pic for my Instagram?" then make you take around 30-40 variations of the same photo, just so I can get one that is half decent. It will never be just one. Don't think that date night will be an exception either. I will sit there, hair fluffed up holding my little glass of prossecco up in the air ready for my close up. I realise how bad this sounds, but this post was all about being honest right? If any of my best friends are reading this they will be nodding along. Especially the ones that have been on holiday with me, snapping away while I've positioned myself next to the most attractive palm tree or cactus of my choice. I'm surprised they didn't both send me an invoice for their services when we got home. It's part of my job to keep the 'gram up to date, so its acceptable right? If you're my boyfriend, you're also my insta boyfriend... it's part of the package I'm afraid.

 

 

 

I still sleep with my bear

I'd like to make out that this is because I get lonely on these cold winter nights in my bed on my own & my cat wont sleep with me, but even when I get a boyfriend that little white fluffy bastard is going no where. He's there all year round, snuggled tight into my boobs every night. Don't panic too much, it is only the one cuddly toy I have. Other than said bear my room is very much adult. I had one boyfriend throw him on the floor once. I remember very vividly trying to play it cool about the whole situation, but inside I felt like I had committed the ultimate betrayal. Like if you went out for drinks with your friend and left her in the club on her own to pull a 9/10. Now, don't get me wrong, the bear does not have to be present all the time. By all means he can sit on the chair or on the floor next to the bed, but for the love of god do not throw him. Do not cast him aside like an old shoe. Anyone would have thought he was a 28 year old dirty bit of fabric.

 

 

I am obsessed with animals

When I say in my Tinder profile that I like animals, I'm putting it very mildly. I realise "obsessed" is a strong word, but it is wholly accurate in this instance. I fucking love animals. All animals. If we are walking anywhere and its rainy, we will have to allow for a few spare minutes so I can rescue all the worms from the path on the way. You'll also be automatically dumped if I catch you killing a spider. My best friend sucked one up a hoover once and it really was touch and go as to whether our friendship would be terminated there and then. I also get feral when I go to the zoo or any sort of petting farm. I went to Woburn Safari park once and I got so over excited in the monkey enclosure I got a migraine and had to come home. I will also tell my dog I love him and will kiss him way more than I do you.  

 



 

Just to finish off; I have a copper pineapple in my room containing my dogs ashes, I wont watch anything with any of the F.r.i.e.n.d.s actors in (even Mike) because I feel like they're cheating on their Friends partner & I only started eating mince pies 2 years ago because I thought they were made of meat (I'm a vegetarian).

 I realise I have now made myself sound absolutely bat shit mental and there is, in fact, a reason why people don't list these sort of things in their Tinder profile. I'd never get a match.

Asos Check Coat  | Asos Farleigh Jeans  | Topshop Je'Taime T.shirt | Gucci Belt  | Topshop Ankle Boots  | Celine Caty Sunglasses

MY BARE MINERALS EXPERIENCE

 

So, sorry for the lack of posting of late. I've been poorly & in a general all round pickle (my Dad has always called me Pickle from when I was born, I swear he must have had a premonition... because I've been getting myself in pickles ever since!). Although, the upside of not posting for a while is that this post actually follows on really nicely from the last one about discovering my Bare Minerals BarePro foundation. I said I'd share with you the rest of the products from my face chart, so here I am, keeping my word. I really would recommend anyone who feels like they're stuck in a bit of a beauty rut to go in and have a chart done. It means everything can be tailored to your skin and what you like, rather than reading reviews of people who probably have a completely different complexion to you or just picking things off the shelf. I think its best to go in and get your base all sorted out, like I have, then I'll definitely go back and ask for a bit of help with my eye make up to. I've only in the last few months given up on liquid eyeliner & the ol' cat eye flick, which I've been doing for about the last 45 years, so it would be good to get some advice on where to go next with my eye make up. Although I really love make up, I'm not very clued up, so I found it super helpful to sit & have chat with the lovely Victoria from my local store about skincare & my base. But enough of my gushing about Victoria, who I've now mentioned in 2 separate blog posts & she probably cant even remember my name. Obsessed much. (Sorry Vic... that's what I call her now). Lets get down to business with my brand spanking new Bare Minerals Routine...

 

 

 

SKINLONGEVITY

 

See this is a prime example of why I like to go and get help with my routine, this is something I would never have picked out myself, mostly because I wouldn't have had a bloody clue what to do with it. When do I put it on? How much do I put on? Can I eat it? The answer is put it on first before any make up & primer, a tiny bit goes a long way & no, don't eat it. It's basically just what I was after at the moment, but didn't know it. I've just turned 28, so your gal is no spring chicken anymore, and I feel like I need a bit of a helping hand with my skin now. Mostly to safeguard it more than anything. This serum will do just that. It's purpose is to "empower your skin to look healthier & younger" by replenishing the minerals that your skin naturally looses. The leaflet it comes with explains everything and uses words like 'radiant', 'luminosity' & 'glowy' & I can 100% say it delivers in all these areas. Aside from all the facts of what it does & how it works, one of my favourite things about it is how refreshing and light it is. Who doesn't bloody love smoothing a cool, silky serum over their face first thing in the morning. Especially with these god awful dark mornings now, it helps to make me feel a bit more human and a bit less troll.

 

 

Skinlogevity Vital Power Serum - c/o Bare Minerals

 

 

 

PRIMER

 

Now, I am a right Fussy Fiona when it comes to primers. I think it might be the thing I'm most picky about. There is nothing worse than wearing something that is the very base of your make up all day long & that feels horrible. I'd go as far as to say it ruins my day if I happen to try a bad one. The sort I really don't like are the thick waxy ones, think Benefit Porefessional. I realise this is not because its a bad primer & a lot of people swill wear by it, but it is absolutely not for me. I did mention this to our Vic as soon as she said the P word. By mention, I think I strongly stressed it. By Strongly, I think I shouted. Either way, she got exactly where I was coming from & knew just the consistency of primer I was after. Queue Prime Time Primer. Now, when I say this feels like I'm coating my face in a thin layer of velveteen, I am not lying. It is just divine. Light, silky & has a slight tint to it, so if you're going for a no make up day but want a little sumin sumin you can pop a bit of this on. & you're good to go. Again, its mineral infused, so is good for your skin & it helps to reduce fine lines, pores & excess oil. It's also designed to be good for flaky skin if you ever get dry patches, which some primer can be awful for. As with all my Bare Minerals products, it gives you a nice healthy glow as well. It's got really miniscule sparkles in (I mean really diddy... you're not going to look like you're off to V Festival) which makes you look fresh & dewy. The perfect make up base... & coming from the harshest primer critic ever, that is one hell of a complement.

 

 

 

Original Prime Time Foundation Primer - c/o Bare Minerals

 

 

 

CONCEALER

 

Now obviously I put my BarePro Foundation on before my concealer, but considering I've dedicated a whole post to how obsessed with it I am, I don't think we need to go over my infatuation with it again. When my foundation is all applied, I go in with my BareSkin Complete Coverage Concealer. I just use the dabber under my eyes in a V shape, along my nose and between my brows, then I go in with my damp beauty blender. That's another thing worth mentioning, I personally use a brush for my foundation but all these products work equally as well with a beauty blender, I think it even gives the concealer a smoother finish, which is super handy cause they're so quick and easy to use. This particular concealer has really good coverage, without being cakey, which is just what I wanted. I always find its really hard to get a good balance between the two, especially when you're not a fresh faced 18 year old anymore & you're a bit more conscious of it settling in any fine lines. So I'd absolutely say this little tube of magic is well worth the money when it comes to quality. It also stays put literally all day long to... & I've worked a long, sweaty 11 hour day running up and downstairs & dealing with angry customers with it on. If that's not a good test, I don't know what is.

 

BareSkin Complete Coverage Concealer - c/o Bare Minerals

 

 

 

BRONZER

 

I'll admit it, bronzer is always something I thought I could get away with buying cheap & scrimping on. What can go wrong? I thought. What can really be the difference between a £2.99 cheapy brand in boots & a 35 odd quid Chanel one? Surely its just the packaging? How can two brown tinted powders be much different? I WAS WRONG. I knew I was wrong as soon as applied this £25 Invisible Bronze Powder. It's hard to explain the difference without you putting it on yourself, but all I can really say is it glides. That's not down to the brush either, I used the same brush I always use with it. Don't ask me how it works, but it does. It is an 'ultra fine' powder, which might be the reason. Maybe the particles are a lot smaller & finer than a regular cheaper power, meaning it spreads out more evenly and goes on smoother. The only other thing I would say, is I have found some bronzers in the past a bit muddy. You know when you end up looking a bit like you've been grubbing about in the garden rather than having a 2 week holiday in the Maldives? We all want the latter & I promise you will get it with this bronzer.

 

 

Invisible Bronze Powder -  c/o Bare Minerals

 

 

POWDER

 

I could not live without my powder & along with my foundation its the one thing I am willing to spend more on. I carry it around everywhere & just feel like its the cherry on the top of my make up. It's also the other thing I'm really picky about being matched up with. The thought that I used to go in to Boots, rub a bit of Maybelline Stay Matte powder on my hand & think "Yep that shade will do" sends a little shiver down my spine. It's so important to get the right shade, especially because you've just gone to all the effort of applying your primer, foundation & concealer. You want to finish it off flawlessly. My gal Vicky sorted me out with this one & it's a dream. I used to do a few quick sweeps over my face during the day to take the shine off, but the combination of this & my foundation means that sometimes I don't even have to touch it up at all. Every girls dream am I right?

 

 

 

BareSkin Perfecting Mineral Powder - Bare Minerals

 

 

You can thank me later for all this, I got your back.

 

x