My phone & I, we have a turbulent relationship. He has the ability to make my day with a banging selfie, unexpected text or being tagged in a hilair meme. He can also shatter my confidence into a million tiny pieces by me accidently opening the camera on selfie mode at an 180 degree angle to my chin(s). I'm referring to it as 'he' because obviously only males have the capability to toy with your emotions like your phone does. Its not comparable to a gal pal relationship - its definitely the fuck boy. The one that is the bane of your life but you just cant put down. You know.
The thing that got me thinking about this whole shabang was when the other day, I was waiting for a programme all evening. It was actually that one with Greg off Masterchef where he takes a whole hour to tell you how mayonnaise is made, but that's really beside the point. I sat down to watch it, tucked up in my blanket, tea in hand all ready to see how eggs go from chicken to Hellmans jar. "Ill just check my Instagram before it properly gets into the nitty gritty", I thought. An hour later its finished, my phone hasn't left my hand & I'm none the wiser to how mayonnaise is made. I can, however, tell you where Lydia Millen went on holiday in 2009, all the PR events the cast of Love Island (this year & last) have attended this week & what someone I fancy has been up to on Snapchat in the last 24 hours. I put my phone down, blinking several times to adjust my eyes. Then a sense of disappointment comes over me. Not because I don't know how the hell that God damn mayonnaise is made, but because I feel like I've just wasted an hour of my life.
On the other hand, my phone is invaluable to me. Social media is where most of my work comes from for my business, I am able to whatsapp my brother daily, see photos of my ever growing Godson in Sctoland & promote my blog. I can say 100% that my illustration business wouldn't have got off the ground without the likes of Facebook & Instagram, along with my website. I wouldnt have been ever discovered to produce work for my spreads in Vogue & Glamour magazine - but sometimes I feel like ive lost the balance.
Checking my phone is the first thing I do in the morning & the last thing I do at night. When I go on my lunch break at work id sooner run to my bag & check my notifications than go for the wee I've been holding in for the last hour. The other thing that scares me is the overwhelming sense of panic that comes over me when I cant find my phone. Its like nothing I've ever known before, but I can only imagine its similar to loosing your child in Aldi.
Now I'm not so bad that I will be on my phone when I go for a meal or drinks. That is my absolute pet hate. I cant bare it when you see a couple or two friends sitting opposite each other at dinner in silence scrolling through their instagram feeds. Its scary - but saying that, even though I'll always put manners first, sometimes it does niggle me that my phone is out of sight in the bottom of my bag. Anything could be going on & I feel a bit like I'm missing out... as I'm typing this I realise how ridiculous & quite frankly mental this all sounds, but I'm sure some of you will be nodding.
What I'm trying to say is that I need to try & detox myself somewhat of my phone. Most of the time its plastered to the palm of my hand & when its not I've developed separation anxiety from it. That is not healthy.
I also can't help but worry that when I'm old & on my death bead I will regret the amount of time I've spent aimlessly scrolling through social media, when I could have been talking to a loved one.
Food for thought.
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