I've been a little bit AWOL this last couple of weeks, and as this is my blog, my very own space on the internet, about me, I thought I'd explain a little bit why.
A blog, social media, Instagram and what not are good ways to edit your life. You don't put all the things up that you don't want people to see. It's the good times, the new clothes that arrived in the post, the amazing looking cocktails you are out having with your pretty friends and the palm tree clad places you visit that you're likely to post. Not the down days. Not the days when you've sat in your mismatching pyjamas watching Netflix and having a good cry. So I wanted to make a conscious effort not to edit this part of my life out that I've been finding tough, instead I wanted to share it with you in an attempt to show you I'm a real person that has my own little battles just like everyone else. I don't just internet shop and drink wine. (although I wish that was the case)
I'm a very anxious person, and I have had to have help with this in the past. I will go dizzy if I'm sitting in a room full of people, Sometimes I think I'm going to faint if I am in a queue and other ridiculous irrational things. I'm a bit better with these things now, I've learnt how to cope with various techniques and by understanding the physical reactions to panic. I now understand that I am overestimating the danger of a situation, and underestimating my ability to cope... however, I still hate change. Something, that ironically, will probably never change. I like to be settled, I like to be in a routine and have familiar things around me. Don't get my wrong, I love going away on days out, weekends away and holidays to new places, but I always like to know I am coming back to my own comfortable environment. Where everything is familiar and safe. This place has been my family home for the last 25 years, full of love and dogs!
Last week I moved out. Something relatively easy and exciting for most people, but for me (as dramatic as it sounds) I have found it hard to deal with. The most ridiculous part of it all, is that I've literally moved over the road. I couldn't be any closer! Yet everything is so different and unfamiliar in my new home, which I really struggle with. I cried for about 3 days like an absolute moron, and have found it hard to eat all week. I've mostly been surviving off oranges. Then I end up getting myself all worked up about the fact that I find normal things so difficult, which I really can't help. Someone once said to me, it's like having a row of cars parked in the street and I'm the car whose alarm goes off with a little gust of wind, but another car can be having it's windscreen smashed in and the alarm still wont be going off. Which I suppose is a very accurate description.
I'll probably never like change, even little things, but I'm really doing my best so soldier on and fingers crossed I will be back blogging again soon. I know this is something that most people won't understand, it's very 'un-chic' and you might think I'm a massive doofus now, but I thought it was important to share this aspect of my life with you and not edit it out.
x
