I am not fit. I wear clothes that are so gross to guys; man repelling, saggy, shapeless, booby covering things. I am a man repeller. It's not something I'm sad about neither proud of. It's just something I'm aware of. Don't get me wrong, probably until the age of 18 I was very much trying impress the boys. I probably stank of Dolce & Gabana 'Light Blue' with a hint of desperation. When I used to go to the school disco I would wear one of those Punky Fish tops with the rips on the back, which stayed at the back while I left home. Then as soon as I walked through those school doors after hours (5pm), I would turn that bad boy round and have the rips at the front. Very inappropriate looking back. Then, when I started going out at 18, I was all about a Topshop bodycon dress. The shorter & tighter the better. I would totter past the bar in heels trying to catch the eye of the guy I fancied like a little new born deer walking on ice. Luckily, this stage only lasted a few months. I don't know what changed in me, but how I dress & what I dress for have massively changed since those good ol' days. I have said it before, but I take it as much more of a compliment if another girl thinks I look nice, or likes what I'm wearing. I'm definitely a girl that dresses for other girls now (& myself, obviously) rather than guys. If my boyfriend could dress me, I'd be in a plain white (probably tight) V neck vest with hipster Britney style skinny jeans. Unfortunately for him, I'm more MC Hammer than Britney. So I thought whilst shooting this outfit, which is a prime example of what I'm talking about, I'd share with you my top man repelling items of past & present...
Statement Jewellery
Now this is something I was a huge fan of, up until 2 or 3 years ago. I had some bloody beasts of a necklace. They were like chain mail, my armour if you will, and Jesus Christ did my boyfriend hate them. They were silver and started at the top of my neck, cascading down layer after layer, link after link to nearly under my boobs. One night we had been out for dinner, & I remember getting home and he said "please, can you take that thing off now?". To be honest, I'm quite glad I have traded them in for dainty gold chains. Those buggers were heavy.
Culottes
Something I wear right up until this very day, by which I mean I'm wearing them now. I can see why he doesn't like them or why people don't like them in general, especially for me. I'm quite tall, but my legs are not. I have quite short legs for my height, so I'm well aware that these are not the most flattering of garm for me, but by jove are they comfy. They're such a welcome break from jeans and I can hand on heart declare my love for them right now.
High waisted jeans
aka, mom jeans or "flat bum jeans". Need I say anything else? I am all about jeans right up to my belly button that channel my inner 90's Rachel & Monica from friends. In my defence, they're great for guarding against a muffin top.
Hareem pants
Now, these are an item I have many of. By many, I'm talking 6-7 pairs. I tend to keep these for at home. As soon as I get in, I whip my culottes off and switch to these little beauties. My poor boyfriend cannot get a break. I have the swift transition down to such a T, he barely gets chance to see my legs. I'm like a baggy jersey clad mermaid. In our house, we call these trousers my saggy bottoms... i.e, "Have you seen my saggy bottoms anywhere?"
Jumpsuits
Another 'flat bottom' item and I think an all round man repeller, unless maybe its one of those skin tight Bardot Missguided jumpsuits, which quite frankly is not for me. They make me feel like a sausage that has not been pricked, but has been put under the grill and is going to pop at any moment. I'm about those peg leg, baggy jersey jumpsuits, with maybe an elasticated waist to show I do in fact have some sort of shape if he's lucky. I think I have managed to wheedle down to just the one jumpsuit now. Anyone who knows me, will know I go for a wee about 2 times every hour, so these were just becoming more of a hindrance than anything. Especially in the winter when you have to peel the whole bloody thing off and sit there freezing your taa taa's off in a public toilet. Boyfriend- 1 Jumpsuit-0. A small victory for man kind.
x
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