So I mentioned before, that I have had a bit of a rough time lately. Bit being an understatement. I lost my beloved dog of 15 years & my beautiful Nan within a week of each other. A month down the line, I have also lost my Fiancé... (don't worry, he hasn't died, he just dumped me). That's all I'm really going to say on the matter, as I have a bit more respect for him that to post about the nitty gritty and gush about my heartbreak on social media or my blog. Although saying this, I am definitely going to have to do a '10 tips for getting over a break up' post, because I have got them all... because I am coping. Really well. I can say with confidence that I have really surprised myself and I am so proud. I am not good with change one bit. I like to be in a routine, I like everyone and everything around me to be familiar. Then in the space of a couple of months, 3 major loves of my life are gone and I've moved back with my Mum and Dad. If someone had given me a heads up at the start of the year that this would all happen, I would have prepared everyone around me for a major mental breakdown. I would have written myself off. To be honest for about 4 days I was completely overwhelmed, felt the lowest I had ever felt in my life and I did write myself off. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I looked bloody awful and it's probably the least hygienic I've ever been after wasting away in my duvet for 96 hours. Everything had rolled into one big ball of metaphorical shit and I was the dung beetle trying to push it away. I was popping Kalms and Nytol like no ones business, and my dog, who normally loves nothing more than cuddling up to me, couldn't come near me. Every time he walked within 2 metres of me I would cling onto his ears for dear life and cry into his face. He's probably now more emotionally scarred than I am. Luckily my friends, family and work colleagues have been amazing through everything that's happened. It's true that in your hour of need you find out who your real friends are, and luckily for me it's everyone I thought it would be and more, they have gone above and beyond. They all took it in turns for me to snot all over their shoulders, I've had surprise parcels, flowers and cards and they really have been there for me day or night.
After 4 days of my crisis, I kind of came to a crossroads. Is this what my life will be like? Will I just stay in and wallow all the time? And believe me I was wallowing like no one has ever wallowed before. I was the wallow Queen. Rik Wollow (I am aware its 'Waller', but it was crying out to be said.) Then I thought fuck this. It would be really easy to write this off as the worst year of my life, because so far it has been, but what's to say the next 6 months wont be the best? Since that fateful 4 day point, I have not looked back. I have cuddled up with my friends, drank shit loads of wine, ate shit loads of pizza, shopped like I've never shopped before ("£100 jumpsuit you say? I'll take 2") and booked holidays. I'm off to Marbella in 3 weeks with my oldest friend, I'm planning a holiday to Croatia for my birthday with one of my closest friends in the world and I have numerous days and nights out planned. That's not to say I still don't get sad, obviously I do, but I never thought I would be able to handle these things being thrown upon me, and I have. I am doing it. I am having fun. Another thing that does make me feel better, is that I know my Nan would be so proud of me, and that helps me to deal with the loss of her. She was so stubborn and sassy and it turns out I have more of her character traits than I thought.
It is also worth noting, whilst I am a boyfriend down I am, in turn, an 'insta boyfriend' down. That's probably what tipped him over the edge to be honest. Forcing him to take photos of me at different angles for 23 hours a day in all weather conditions. I don't blame the poor bugger for wanting a rest. I did have that "well I will never blog again thought", but of course I will. I will find a way. For now, my lovely Uncle Alan & Mum have stepped up to take my photos... but I do have a vacancy for Instagram Husband going if anyone would like to apply.
No comments
Post a Comment