On Thursday it was my 27th birthday. The day I went from being mid twenties to late twenties. I had a little freak out about it the month leading up to it, but then I had a good think about it and was actually pretty ok with it.
Granted, I'm 100% not where I thought I'd be at this age. In my teens I had a really strict schedule for myself that I was sure I would stick to. I was going to finish school with good grades, go to uni, get a good job, be married at 21, have my first child at 24 and the other at 26. A boy and a girl obviously. That all seemed really sensible and realistic to me, but now the thought that I would have already been married for 6 years and be responsible for a 3 year old makes me want to shed a little tear with laughter. I have really beaten myself up about all these age goals before, and what I should have been doing each time I hit a Birthday. It's only now I'm starting to cut myself a bit of slack. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat at night freaking out about the fact I'm 3 years off 30 and do not have my shit together, but who really does?
More than anything, I've learnt not to give a fuck what other people tell me I should and shouldn't be doing. I'm not going to beat around the bush and pretend I'm a cool cucumber mind you, I'm super worried about peoples opinions of me... but much less so now. Especially since I got engaged. People around you, some who are supposed to love you, are really quick to get their two pence in. I've become really used to the miffed look you get when you say you have no plans to set a date. One time, after grabbing at my hand to see my ring, someone (whose never touched me before) asked me how old I was. I said 26 and explained I'd be waiting a few years to get married... "but you don't want to be an old Bride!" she said with a horrified look on her face. I was speechless and equally as horrified. Looking back I wish I would have said "actually, yes I do... I want to be an old Bride who has brought a nice home, worked hard on my career and knows what the hell I'm doing". Jennifer Aniston (my mega idol) wrote a big piece recently about the constant questioning she gets about not being married and having children at the age of 47, and why should those things have to define her happiness. It was literally spot on. I felt like raising my hands to the sky and letting out a big "HALLELUJAH." Give it a cheeky Google if you haven't already read it.
Saying all this, another thing I have learnt is that for all the people who like to have an opinion about what I should be doing, there's the friends who support me regardless. The handful that you can let you guard down to, admit you don't have a clue what you're doing and they will nod knowingly and tell you it's ok. Hold on to these ones.
So in my next year on good ol' planet Earth, I am absolutely not going to beat myself up. I'm not going to listen to people who want to tell me what to do, I'm going to wing it and only listen the opinions of people who want to support me in doing what's right for me.
I am still alive, I have my own growing business and I can make a lasagne sauce. I think I'm doing ok.
x
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